10 ways to break up with someone

This is a post I found on Yahoo! while I was checking my mails. For some reason I couldn't tell why this post caught my attention and why I felt so compelled to add my comments below. Keep in mind that the writer is a man, and I am a woman responding with my own experience when I went through a tough break-up. Read original.

If you don't feel like reading my comment, just skip the blue text.

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I had to end a fledgling relationship this week. I really didn't want to do it. Or at least, I wanted to do it by text. But after a brief discussion with a female pal, I was persuaded that I should pick up the phone. Calling isn't my normal style because I don't like it when girls shout at me. Plus, there are so many alternatives…

Face to face
Firstly, I should make clear that in a serious relationship, I would always conduct this nasty business in person. And maybe in a casual relationship too, if forced...

Pros: Instant right to reply for the dumpee.
Cons: You are vulnerable to the threat of tears and possible violence.

I have not experienced a face to face break-up (yet) because my partner was a total coward to break up with me in person. But as a woman I would have appreciated this method instead of beating around the bush or trying the methods below. It will be quick and easy. Yes, it will be hard and the woman will cry and maybe kick you in the crotch, but you deserve it. And if you are a real man, you will be able to handle the pain. It's nothing compared to the suffering the woman will have to go through to get over you.

Ignoring
This very common tactic involves blanking your lover until they work out that it's over. At first, they will send lots of texts and mails. Eventually, they will give up.

Pros: You never have to officially dump them.
Cons: They will never know for sure why you stopped contacting them; they may even think you are dead.

This is a very coward way to break up with someone with whom you have shared a romantic relationship and it may lead to misunderstandings and only worsen the situation. Why? Because the woman might/will blame herself and wonder what she did wrong. And no, she will not automatically assume that it's over between the two of you. If she really cares about you then she will try to find a way to win you back. It will get worse if she tries to phone all your friends and/or family, asking for your whereabouts and why you haven't been calling her back. What if she shows up in the bar you were hanging out with your pals and publicly humiliate you there by making a scene?

Text/email
The fastest, simplest and by far most popular method of ending a casual fling is to fire off a carefully-worded message. Almost everyone has received - or dished out - some form of electronic dumping. But killjoys deem it impolite.

Pros: Fits in perfectly with a fast-paced modern lifestyle.
Cons: The victim could receive the message at an unfortunate moment, such as during an important business meeting or while they’re having a really good time at Alton Towers.

This really is the simplest method but the most un-man-ly way to break up with a woman. Scared to tell her in person so you compose an email/text message to inform her that it's over between you? Have you ever been at the receiving end of such a message? You check your mails or cell phone, you smile when you realize that your partner was thinking about you. Your heart swells up in joy and you feel warm inside. You open the message only to read that he doesn't want to be with you any longer. What a crushing feeling. It's like running downhill against a brick wall. But who cares? You will never have to see the pain-stricken face she makes upon reading your message.

Letter
I suppose this was considered the text dumping of its day. But now it seems slightly more classy and respectful. At least you're paying for a stamp.

Pros: Old-fashioned and somehow romantic. Your jilted lover can keep it forever as a memento of how much of a berk you are.
Cons: You have to pay for a stamp.

Ah a letter. This is why I hate receiving letters because they never contain anything positive. Who would bother writing something special to a woman just to make her smile unless you're Prince Charming and poetic blood runs through your veins. Very unlikely. If you have never written a letter to her in your whole relationship together, then suddenly she receives one, then a red flag will automatically pop up at the back of her head. What if she decides not to read the letter? What if she calls you up first, pretending as if nothing unusual happened like having just received a letter from you? She entices you to come over, promising you a long night with sex and by giving into your animalistic desires, which is code for "to talk about your relationship" and the stuff that's been going on lately? You're trapped.

Facebook
The ’relationship status’ option on Facebook is the best way of keeping up-to-date with your friends' love lives... so why not your own too? Just change your status and your newly-dumped ex will receive the news straight to their Wall.

Pros: For you, it's painless. Just the simple click of a button.
Cons: Your ex will be furious and may retaliate by announcing to Facebook that you have a small willy.

This certainly has a way of backfiring and go awry. Facebook is no place for making break-ups public because friends can see and they will not mind their own business in this regard.

Note
This is similar to the letter but less comprehensive. It could be piece of paper through the letterbox or a Post-it note stuck to their box of Alpen. The key is the brevity.

Pros: Everyone likes receiving little notes, it’s fun.
Cons: You’d have to pick a strategic time to leave the note, otherwise you could get caught and end up in a face-to-face situation.

I love receiving little notes, too. But if you expect a serious break-up then don't do it via Post-it. What the heck? The woman might just put a winking smiley beneath your message and send it back to you simply because she doesn't think you were serious.

Via someone else
This only generally happens when you are under the age of 15. It happened to me once in my school lunch break while I was queuing up in Dixy Fried Chicken and it was brutal.

Pros: If they cry, you don't have to see it.
Cons: Not acceptable behaviour if you are an adult.

This is a stupid way to do, not only is it stupid and unacceptable behavior but it's very coward to do, too. You are involving another person in your already cracked up relationship, you could as well just face your partner and get it over with. You will have to rely on that person to do your job right and break up for you with your sweetheart. It will cause a very awkward situation for them, it will only infuriate her further and may lead her to evil revenge such as instigating her girl friends to set your bike/car on fire in the middle of the night while you're soundly asleep.

In public
At a Birmingham City football match last weekend, a fan proposed to his girlfriend on the pitch. So why not do the opposite and announce to the world your decision to end it? Maybe the announcer could do it when they read out the birthdays. Or you could request a shout-out on your lover’s favourite radio station.

Pros: This could be her 15 seconds of fame.
Cons: Live broadcasting is unpredictable and they may omit your dedication.

You take her out on a football match, pay the expensive tickets and spend a couple of hours with her waiting in the line under the pouring rain to get inside the stadium. And since you already paid for the tickets, you also decide to buy her her favorite snacks and favorite drinks and wait together till the match begins. You laugh together at the drunk idiot sitting in front of you for throwing up in his girlfriend's lap, and your girlfriend tells you sweetly how lucky she is that that didn't happen to her. Everything seems perfect. She leans in to you, cuddles with you, she keeps you warm, and you realize that all you needed was just some quality time together, a moment like this. Until the announcer points at your seat to broadcast your break-up with your girlfriend, and everything turns into a horrible nightmare.

Well, f*ck you!

Don’t tell them
Tell your friends and family you've split up, chat people up in bars, go online dating, stop having sex - essentially, become single. Just don't tell your partner about it.

Pros: Awkward dumping conversation avoided.
Cons: There's a high chance they will eventually find out you have stopped going out with them and then bad things will happen.

I personally love this. (Hear the sarcasm?) My boyfriend just acts as if we're not together anymore, everyone knows we've split up, and I am the one looking like a fool and not knowing? Expect the inevitable because bad things will happen once the woman finds out that you have made her look like a fool in front of other people.

Phone call
As for me, I opted against all these methods and called her. I semi-rehearsed what I was going to say; my main aim was to avoid clichés such as "it's not you, it's me" and not to panic and tell her I was gay. I bumbled through it awkwardly, using the phrase "I really like you but…" more than once (it was true though). And although she went a bit quiet, the conversation ended on fairly amicable terms. I didn't feel great, but I felt like slightly less of an arsehole than if I’d used the methods above.

Pros: Makes you feel like an adult.
Cons: Scary.

Always keep this in mind: If a woman goes quiet, it's either a whole world just broke for her or she is secretly plotting a plan to get back at you! Either way make sure that she is really okay or else you will find yourself losing your sexy manpart in your sleep.

by Dan Juan


Break-ups are tough and painful especially if it is the one you thought was The One for you. To be honest, my boyfriend did never break up with me but he did make me break up with him more than once. We were the kind of couple who would never completely breakup, even though we had other partners at that time, we always ended up being stuck together at the end. It was hard for me for always accepting him back, it was hard because I couldn't let go, and it was stupid that I didn't learn from past experiences with him. He cheated on me, and he cheated with me. I guess the fact that women fought over him got to his head, that he thought he was infallible and God's gift to women. He took advantage of this knowledge and made women cry.

Looking back I can only shake my head and think what I fool I have been. Never again.


-chichi

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Funny or Fact About Sex

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Four kinds of Sex

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The first is Smurf Sex - This happens during the honeymoon period of a relationship, you keep doing it and doing it, until you're blue in the face.

The second is Kitchen Sex - This is at the beginning of your marriage, you'll have sex anywhere, anytime, anyplace, even in the kitchen.

The third kind is Bedroom Sex - You've calmed down a bit, perhaps you have had some kids, so you have to do it in the bedroom.

The fourth kind is Hallway Sex - This is where you pass each other in the hallway, look each other in the eye and say, ‘F#CK YOU!'

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Penis Size

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TRUE FACT:
Male sperm (Y) swim faster and die sooner than female sperm (X), because female sperm contain heavier genetic material, which slows them down but allows them to live longer.

THEREFORE:
Males with longer penises tend to produce more male offspring because they deposit the sperm closer to the egg and Y sperm cells win the "sprint." Males with shorter penises tend to have more female offspring because sperm is deposited further from the egg, Y sperm die off thus allowing X sperm to win the "marathon."

CONCLUSION:
Look at your family. This tells you whether or not your father had a big
one.

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For Your Birthday

I'm not really good at writing poems, but for your birthday I wrote you one.
It sounds a bit like a rap song. hee hee Just bear with me. :)

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It was in July two years ago, remember?
I know so clearly, because it was 3 months before October
When your momma said she had a little daughter,
And then spontaneously invited me over.

When we arrived, it was late and you were already sleepin'
Saw the place: empty bottles everywhere, oh freakin'!
Your momma, so embarrassed, she took the dustpan, sweepin',
And threw all the garbage from the table into the paperbin.

Your daddy, just sittin there, starin' at her bizarrely,
I guess he didn't understand her fully.
Then they argued 'bout random stuff, how silly,
I couldn't stand listening to that, dear God, please save me.

And then dawn broke and the sun came up,
Heard you bangin' from inside your locked door when you woke up
You went to the kitchen, screamin' and demanding your cup
So momma and daddy told you to shut up.

'Bout an hour passed when I stirred in my makeshift bed,
Saw you sitting there, with a curious frown on your forehead.
"Who's she?" you asked in your childlike voice your dad,
"A friend of mine," your momma answered for him instead.

You were only two years old, turning three
There was something missin' in your life, I could see.
Nothing that neither momma nor dadda could give yah whole-heartedly,
That broke my heart, I realized then all so suddenly.

I stayed all afternoon till evening, I couldn't believe
We played with your toys and laughed till we couldn't breathe.
When it was time to go you told me "Please don't leave",
And looked so sadly, you cried and wiped your tears on your sleeve.

In your anger you slammed your door shut,
And your momma joked you were a little nut'
In her annoyance, however, she spanked your skinny butt.
Her voice grew shrilly, asking you, "What? What d'you want, what?"

I had to leave then anyway,
For it had gotten too late, and I couldn't stay,
I promised you though that I would come back, okay?
Hoping it would be soon, for in October was your birthday.


Happy 5th Birthday!

~ Chichi

PS: Yeah, this ain't really a poem what I would read to a five-year-old, but it was still fun to write. :)

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Prison Vs. Work

PRISON	WORK
You spend the majority of your time in an 8x10 cell.	You spend most of your time in a 6x8 cubicle.
You get three meals a day.	You only get a break for 1 meal and you have to pay for it.
You get time off for good behavior.	You get rewarded for good behavior with more work.
A guard locks and unlocks all the doors for you.	You must carry around a security card and unlock and open all the doors yourself.
You can watch TV and play games.	You get fired for watching TV and playing games.
You get your own toilet.	You have to share.
They allow your family and friends to visit.	You cannot even speak to your family and friends.
All expenses are paid by taxpayers with no work required.	You get to pay all the expenses to go to work and then they deduct taxes from your salary to pay for prisoners.
You spend most of your life looking through bars from the inside wanting to get out.	You spend most of your time wanting to get out and go inside bars.
There are wardens who are often sadistic.	They are called managers.
If your crime was really important, you are put into a high security compound with cameras, and extra guards with guns.	If you are doing important government work, you are put into a high security compound with cameras, steel vaulted doors and extra (dumb) guards with guns.
You have to attend therapy sessions where you are told how worthless you are, but you can improve.	You have to attend meetings where you are told how worthless your ideas are.

by Slim Jim Battelle Source | image credit: Silvery

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Top 15 things you should never do on Facebook

When was the last thing you looked at your feed without someone posting an embarrassing picture, or someone else saying something irritating in their status update?
Here are the top 15 things you should never do on Facebook or MySpace:

1. Use Facebook mail instead of proper email
Are you silly? When you Facebook mail me, I have to log into my real email to find that I then have to go and log into my Facebook account to read and reply to your message. If you’ve got my real email address, please use it.

2. Add old friends and then forget about them
This is the biggest social networking crime of them all. How many times has it happened? You haven’t seen someone for 20 years; you vaguely recognize their name but not their face. They add you as a friend on Facebook and then after you accept them, you never hear from them again.

3. Adding people you don’t even know
It’s one thing to add an old friend and then never speak to them. It’s another to add anyone whose name you kind of vaguely sort of recognize. It’s like that old man in the pub who slaps everyone on the back as if they were old pals, when in actual fact he has no friends, largely because of this habit.

4. Adding single-serving holiday friends
Some people just don’t understand that the exchanging of email addresses at the end of a holiday is just a social ritual and is absolutely not an invitation to add you to Facebook and then turn up unannounced at your house three months later.

5. Accepting friend invitations from people you don’t know
It’s one thing to complain about irritating people adding you on Facebook, but if you accept those invites, you’ve only got yourself to blame. If you scan through your Facebook friends list, you’ll doubtless find a handful of people in there you barely know. It’s a horrible realisation – like when you suddenly realise your hand is resting on a knob of someone else’s chewing gum underneath a desk.

6. Update Facebook profile when you’re supposedly ill
How many times have we seen it? Someone calls in sick in the morning and then updates their Facebook profile minute-by-minute throughout the day, documenting a day of ice cream, chips, video games and jumping on the bed. Get dressed and get to work you lazy hoodwink, or else you’ll probably be fired. And it’d be your own fault for adding your boss to be your Facebook friend.

7. Write on a wall instead of communicating privately
The driving force behind the success of Facebook is… vanity. People love the idea that others are watching what they’re doing. Tell me this: for what reason would you invite someone to a private party by writing on their wall, other than to show off to all the people on their friends list who you don’t want to come? It just makes you look like a tit, so don’t do it.

8. Moan in your Facebook status
The most annoying thing that people do on Facebook is to spray their walls with vanity-filled drivel, by posting self-indulgent awfulness in their status updates. “Kerry is sorry how it ended but it had to be done. I love you and will miss you, and I hope you can apologise one day”. Oh sod off. If you’ve got something to say to someone, say it. Don’t post it on your wall because no one else is interested, and people just think you’re a prat.

9. Other irritating status updates
No, “Dave is” is not an acceptable status update, nor is it original or in any way clever. “Dave just is…” is equally as inexcusable. And “Dave is Dave is Dave” is downright taking the piss. Oh, and song lyrics are also a no-no. “Sandra was happy in the haze of a drunken hour, but heaven knows she’s miserable now” will impress people about the same amount as Morrissey’s saggy, miserable face.

10. Upload drunken pictures the morning after
Have a little common sense. If you go out for a big one on a Wednesday night, posting humiliating, drunken photos of your friends on Thursday morning is a recipe for disaster. Because when I call in sick at 9am, the last thing I want my boss to say is: “I’ve seen the pictures of you crawling in the gutter last night. I’m not amused or impressed, now get to work!”

11. Joining ridiculous chain-mail groups
Why do people insist on joining groups such as “On the X of May, everyone has to panic buy carrots”? Come on people, how stupid are you? There’s one group on Facebook devoted to nullifying the vegetarian moral crusade, and it’s called: “For every animal you don’t eat, I’m going to eat three”. That’s a good group name. “I think Ryan Seacrest is the best presenter ever” is not.

12. Starting said groups
Enough said.

13. Lazy grammar and spelling mistakes
Reading Facebook is like perusing a six-year olds’ English copybook. Come on, people: ‘Your’ is ‘your’. ‘You are’ is ‘you’re’. It really isn’t hard to get that little one right. And understanding the difference between there, their and they’re surely isn’t too much of a challenge?

14. Upload photos to Facebook and deleting originals
Uploading photos to Facebook can be a very handy way of sharing your holiday snaps. But for the love of God, don’t lose your originals. Facebook is terrible at compressing and resizing images – it turns your 14MP panoramas into 14KB monstrosities. Facebook is not a suitable repository to store your precious photos!

15. Inviting me to be a Zombie Pirate Snot Monster
Please don’t do that ever ever again


Original Source: Written by: James Rivington | Graphic by: Han Han

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