Friday, January 29, 2010
G.Evergreen-priv
TWILIGHT COMMANDMENTS! By Abhilaksh Sharma.
1. And unto the anti twilighter, God said "thou must yell twilight sucks everytime a fan wears a twilight shirt. It will give thee great moral pleasure. It will be almost orgasmic, watching the pain and misery of the twilight fan." And Anti twilighter said "Yell I shall" and it was good.
2. Then God gave his second commandment unto the anti-twilighter. He said "I now give you bad news. Whenever thou hears a fan praising twilight and encouraging others to read it, thou will feel a sharp pain in the ass. It will push thee to correct that fan's immoral preaching." And anti-twilighter wept. "Why dost thou torment me, God? What have I done to thee? Everyone knows that twilighters will outnumber anti-twilighters? Does thou expect me to get ass pain all my life?" To which the Almighty replied "Don't worry, my child. I shall give thee brains, which will be unavailable to the twiilighters. I will also give thee a soul." And Anti-twilighter said "feel a pain in the ass I shall" and it was good.
3. And then unto anti-twilighter God said " Whenever thou sees twilight merchandise, thou shalt burn it with thy own hands. Thou shalt then mix the ashes in a poultice of cowdung, human waste and other such vile substances, and then thou shalt bury it in a place where no one else can find it." The anti-twilighter got confused. He said "But God, where must thee want that I hide it? I don't know any unreachable place." Then god said "Thou dumbass, thee shalt hide it in fort knox, where else?" And Anti twilighter said " Dispose of twilight merchandise properly I shall" and it was good.
4. God then said unto anti twilighter "I now give thee a really hard task. Thee shall take hours scanning twilight books, and ripping twilight DVDs. Thou shalt distribute these for free on the internet. This will cause stephenie meyer gargantuan financial losses, and piracy will help repel the pest." The twilighter replied "But God, Piracy is a a criminal offence under federal law! I shall not go to jail, will I?" And God told him to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.
5. Then God said "I give thee bad news again, anti twilighter, my child. Thou shalt be mobbed by the twilight fans. Thou will risk thine own death. Thou shalt have to run like the wind, if thou wants to save thy life. They will try to lynch thee. So corrupted will be their polluted souls, that they will hunt you down no matter where thee hides. Has thou seen I am Legend? Yes, it will be something like that." And anti twilighter wept. He said "God, I don't want to be lynched! I don't want to torment my soul by those abominations of life! I can't possibly run like the wind all the time!" To which God replied "Don't worry, my child. I will give you the gift of spoilers.
6. Now God gave the anti-twilighter the gift of spoilers. He said "My child, these are the most powerful weapons mankind has ever seen. These will help you ward off millions of corrupted souls. But beware, these should not fall into the wrong hands.Especially in the hands of people who think that books, no matter how evil they are, should not be spoiled. They will help thee save thy life when thou is defenceless." And Anti-twilighter accepted the gifts, and it was good.
7. God proceeded to say" I warn thee now of possible betrayals. Even though the twilight fans may tempt thee with gifts of imagined erotic experiences, thou shalt maintain thy cool. Thou shall not fall prey to the evils of the putrid thought processes that go on in the minds of twilighters, no matter how delightful they might seem. Thou must be lion hearted, O anti twilighter, and make thyself apt for immortality. And Anti twilighter said "Be careful I shall" and it was good.
8.Then God said unto anti-twilighter" I give thee a quest now. Thou will have to do this, or I shall smite you. Thou will look for good literature in every bookstore, regardless of the fact that the store sells twilight or not. Thou will have to preserve what really is literature, instead of this bullshit with sparkling vampires. Blessed will be those that will help preserve man's literature." And anti-twilighter said "Look for good literature I shall" and it was good.
9. The almighty then said "My child, let me tell thee what thy real identity is. The twilighters are nothing but shit, metaphorically speaking. And thou are the toilet paper. Well actually, in some parts of the world, thee will be the mug of water, but thou gets my point. The toilet paper always disposes off the shit nicely. And that is exactly thy job." The anti twilighter thought for a moment. He then said "But God, wouldnt it be better if we just used toilet paper instead?" And God said "Well, come think of it, its a pretty nice idea. Thou really are smart. I guess i gave thee too much brains."
10. The almighty now gave the ultimate objective to anti twilighter. "Thou shalt now nicely dispose off all the shit in the world i.e twilighters. Thou shalt T.P (toilet paper) every twilighter's lair, though shall T.P every twilighter, thou shall T.P wrap every piece of twilight merchandise thou can find, and thou shall T.P stephenie meyer, ultimately, one day. Go now, and do thy job." And then anti-twilighter said "Received my commmandments I have" and it was good.
Join the group on FACEBOOK:
I Hate Edward Cullen and He Must Die
1. And unto the anti twilighter, God said "thou must yell twilight sucks everytime a fan wears a twilight shirt. It will give thee great moral pleasure. It will be almost orgasmic, watching the pain and misery of the twilight fan." And Anti twilighter said "Yell I shall" and it was good.
2. Then God gave his second commandment unto the anti-twilighter. He said "I now give you bad news. Whenever thou hears a fan praising twilight and encouraging others to read it, thou will feel a sharp pain in the ass. It will push thee to correct that fan's immoral preaching." And anti-twilighter wept. "Why dost thou torment me, God? What have I done to thee? Everyone knows that twilighters will outnumber anti-twilighters? Does thou expect me to get ass pain all my life?" To which the Almighty replied "Don't worry, my child. I shall give thee brains, which will be unavailable to the twiilighters. I will also give thee a soul." And Anti-twilighter said "feel a pain in the ass I shall" and it was good.
3. And then unto anti-twilighter God said " Whenever thou sees twilight merchandise, thou shalt burn it with thy own hands. Thou shalt then mix the ashes in a poultice of cowdung, human waste and other such vile substances, and then thou shalt bury it in a place where no one else can find it." The anti-twilighter got confused. He said "But God, where must thee want that I hide it? I don't know any unreachable place." Then god said "Thou dumbass, thee shalt hide it in fort knox, where else?" And Anti twilighter said " Dispose of twilight merchandise properly I shall" and it was good.
4. God then said unto anti twilighter "I now give thee a really hard task. Thee shall take hours scanning twilight books, and ripping twilight DVDs. Thou shalt distribute these for free on the internet. This will cause stephenie meyer gargantuan financial losses, and piracy will help repel the pest." The twilighter replied "But God, Piracy is a a criminal offence under federal law! I shall not go to jail, will I?" And God told him to stop being such a pussy, and it was good.
5. Then God said "I give thee bad news again, anti twilighter, my child. Thou shalt be mobbed by the twilight fans. Thou will risk thine own death. Thou shalt have to run like the wind, if thou wants to save thy life. They will try to lynch thee. So corrupted will be their polluted souls, that they will hunt you down no matter where thee hides. Has thou seen I am Legend? Yes, it will be something like that." And anti twilighter wept. He said "God, I don't want to be lynched! I don't want to torment my soul by those abominations of life! I can't possibly run like the wind all the time!" To which God replied "Don't worry, my child. I will give you the gift of spoilers.
6. Now God gave the anti-twilighter the gift of spoilers. He said "My child, these are the most powerful weapons mankind has ever seen. These will help you ward off millions of corrupted souls. But beware, these should not fall into the wrong hands.Especially in the hands of people who think that books, no matter how evil they are, should not be spoiled. They will help thee save thy life when thou is defenceless." And Anti-twilighter accepted the gifts, and it was good.
7. God proceeded to say" I warn thee now of possible betrayals. Even though the twilight fans may tempt thee with gifts of imagined erotic experiences, thou shalt maintain thy cool. Thou shall not fall prey to the evils of the putrid thought processes that go on in the minds of twilighters, no matter how delightful they might seem. Thou must be lion hearted, O anti twilighter, and make thyself apt for immortality. And Anti twilighter said "Be careful I shall" and it was good.
8.Then God said unto anti-twilighter" I give thee a quest now. Thou will have to do this, or I shall smite you. Thou will look for good literature in every bookstore, regardless of the fact that the store sells twilight or not. Thou will have to preserve what really is literature, instead of this bullshit with sparkling vampires. Blessed will be those that will help preserve man's literature." And anti-twilighter said "Look for good literature I shall" and it was good.
9. The almighty then said "My child, let me tell thee what thy real identity is. The twilighters are nothing but shit, metaphorically speaking. And thou are the toilet paper. Well actually, in some parts of the world, thee will be the mug of water, but thou gets my point. The toilet paper always disposes off the shit nicely. And that is exactly thy job." The anti twilighter thought for a moment. He then said "But God, wouldnt it be better if we just used toilet paper instead?" And God said "Well, come think of it, its a pretty nice idea. Thou really are smart. I guess i gave thee too much brains."
10. The almighty now gave the ultimate objective to anti twilighter. "Thou shalt now nicely dispose off all the shit in the world i.e twilighters. Thou shalt T.P (toilet paper) every twilighter's lair, though shall T.P every twilighter, thou shall T.P wrap every piece of twilight merchandise thou can find, and thou shall T.P stephenie meyer, ultimately, one day. Go now, and do thy job." And then anti-twilighter said "Received my commmandments I have" and it was good.
Join the group on FACEBOOK:
I Hate Edward Cullen and He Must Die
