Tuesday, September 28, 2010
G.Evergreen-priv
This is a post I found on Yahoo! while I was checking my mails. For some reason I couldn't tell why this post caught my attention and why I felt so compelled to add my comments below. Keep in mind that the writer is a man, and I am a woman responding with my own experience when I went through a tough break-up. Read original.
If you don't feel like reading my comment, just skip the blue text.
I had to end a fledgling relationship this week. I really didn't want to do it. Or at least, I wanted to do it by text. But after a brief discussion with a female pal, I was persuaded that I should pick up the phone. Calling isn't my normal style because I don't like it when girls shout at me. Plus, there are so many alternatives…
Face to face
Firstly, I should make clear that in a serious relationship, I would always conduct this nasty business in person. And maybe in a casual relationship too, if forced...
Pros: Instant right to reply for the dumpee.
Cons: You are vulnerable to the threat of tears and possible violence.
I have not experienced a face to face break-up (yet) because my partner was a total coward to break up with me in person. But as a woman I would have appreciated this method instead of beating around the bush or trying the methods below. It will be quick and easy. Yes, it will be hard and the woman will cry and maybe kick you in the crotch, but you deserve it. And if you are a real man, you will be able to handle the pain. It's nothing compared to the suffering the woman will have to go through to get over you.
Ignoring
This very common tactic involves blanking your lover until they work out that it's over. At first, they will send lots of texts and mails. Eventually, they will give up.
Pros: You never have to officially dump them.
Cons: They will never know for sure why you stopped contacting them; they may even think you are dead.
This is a very coward way to break up with someone with whom you have shared a romantic relationship and it may lead to misunderstandings and only worsen the situation. Why? Because the woman might/will blame herself and wonder what she did wrong. And no, she will not automatically assume that it's over between the two of you. If she really cares about you then she will try to find a way to win you back. It will get worse if she tries to phone all your friends and/or family, asking for your whereabouts and why you haven't been calling her back. What if she shows up in the bar you were hanging out with your pals and publicly humiliate you there by making a scene? 
The fastest, simplest and by far most popular method of ending a casual fling is to fire off a carefully-worded message. Almost everyone has received - or dished out - some form of electronic dumping. But killjoys deem it impolite.
Pros: Fits in perfectly with a fast-paced modern lifestyle.
Cons: The victim could receive the message at an unfortunate moment, such as during an important business meeting or while they’re having a really good time at Alton Towers.
This really is the simplest method but the most un-man-ly way to break up with a woman. Scared to tell her in person so you compose an email/text message to inform her that it's over between you? Have you ever been at the receiving end of such a message? You check your mails or cell phone, you smile when you realize that your partner was thinking about you. Your heart swells up in joy and you feel warm inside. You open the message only to read that he doesn't want to be with you any longer. What a crushing feeling. It's like running downhill against a brick wall. But who cares? You will never have to see the pain-stricken face she makes upon reading your message.
Letter
I suppose this was considered the text dumping of its day. But now it seems slightly more classy and respectful. At least you're paying for a stamp.
Pros: Old-fashioned and somehow romantic. Your jilted lover can keep it forever as a memento of how much of a berk you are.
Cons: You have to pay for a stamp.
Ah a letter. This is why I hate receiving letters because they never contain anything positive. Who would bother writing something special to a woman just to make her smile unless you're Prince Charming and poetic blood runs through your veins. Very unlikely. If you have never written a letter to her in your whole relationship together, then suddenly she receives one, then a red flag will automatically pop up at the back of her head. What if she decides not to read the letter? What if she calls you up first, pretending as if nothing unusual happened like having just received a letter from you? She entices you to come over, promising you a long night with sex and by giving into your animalistic desires, which is code for "to talk about your relationship" and the stuff that's been going on lately? You're trapped.
Facebook
The ’relationship status’ option on Facebook is the best way of keeping up-to-date with your friends' love lives... so why not your own too? Just change your status and your newly-dumped ex will receive the news straight to their Wall.
Pros: For you, it's painless. Just the simple click of a button.
Cons: Your ex will be furious and may retaliate by announcing to Facebook that you have a small willy.
This certainly has a way of backfiring and go awry. Facebook is no place for making break-ups public because friends can see and they will not mind their own business in this regard.
Note
This is similar to the letter but less comprehensive. It could be piece of paper through the letterbox or a Post-it note stuck to their box of Alpen. The key is the brevity.
Pros: Everyone likes receiving little notes, it’s fun.
Cons: You’d have to pick a strategic time to leave the note, otherwise you could get caught and end up in a face-to-face situation.
I love receiving little notes, too. But if you expect a serious break-up then don't do it via Post-it. What the heck? The woman might just put a winking smiley beneath your message and send it back to you simply because she doesn't think you were serious.
Via someone else
This only generally happens when you are under the age of 15. It happened to me once in my school lunch break while I was queuing up in Dixy Fried Chicken and it was brutal.
Pros: If they cry, you don't have to see it.
Cons: Not acceptable behaviour if you are an adult.
This is a stupid way to do, not only is it stupid and unacceptable behavior but it's very coward to do, too. You are involving another person in your already cracked up relationship, you could as well just face your partner and get it over with. You will have to rely on that person to do your job right and break up for you with your sweetheart. It will cause a very awkward situation for them, it will only infuriate her further and may lead her to evil revenge such as instigating her girl friends to set your bike/car on fire in the middle of the night while you're soundly asleep.
In public
At a Birmingham City football match last weekend, a fan proposed to his girlfriend on the pitch. So why not do the opposite and announce to the world your decision to end it? Maybe the announcer could do it when they read out the birthdays. Or you could request a shout-out on your lover’s favourite radio station.
Pros: This could be her 15 seconds of fame.
Cons: Live broadcasting is unpredictable and they may omit your dedication.
You take her out on a football match, pay the expensive tickets and spend a couple of hours with her waiting in the line under the pouring rain to get inside the stadium. And since you already paid for the tickets, you also decide to buy her her favorite snacks and favorite drinks and wait together till the match begins. You laugh together at the drunk idiot sitting in front of you for throwing up in his girlfriend's lap, and your girlfriend tells you sweetly how lucky she is that that didn't happen to her. Everything seems perfect. She leans in to you, cuddles with you, she keeps you warm, and you realize that all you needed was just some quality time together, a moment like this. Until the announcer points at your seat to broadcast your break-up with your girlfriend, and everything turns into a horrible nightmare.
Well, f*ck you!
Don’t tell them
Tell your friends and family you've split up, chat people up in bars, go online dating, stop having sex - essentially, become single. Just don't tell your partner about it.
Pros: Awkward dumping conversation avoided.
Cons: There's a high chance they will eventually find out you have stopped going out with them and then bad things will happen.
I personally love this. (Hear the sarcasm?) My boyfriend just acts as if we're not together anymore, everyone knows we've split up, and I am the one looking like a fool and not knowing? Expect the inevitable because bad things will happen once the woman finds out that you have made her look like a fool in front of other people.
Phone call
As for me, I opted against all these methods and called her. I semi-rehearsed what I was going to say; my main aim was to avoid clichés such as "it's not you, it's me" and not to panic and tell her I was gay. I bumbled through it awkwardly, using the phrase "I really like you but…" more than once (it was true though). And although she went a bit quiet, the conversation ended on fairly amicable terms. I didn't feel great, but I felt like slightly less of an arsehole than if I’d used the methods above.
Pros: Makes you feel like an adult.
Cons: Scary.
Always keep this in mind: If a woman goes quiet, it's either a whole world just broke for her or she is secretly plotting a plan to get back at you! Either way make sure that she is really okay or else you will find yourself losing your sexy manpart in your sleep.
Break-ups are tough and painful especially if it is the one you thought was The One for you. To be honest, my boyfriend did never break up with me but he did make me break up with him more than once. We were the kind of couple who would never completely breakup, even though we had other partners at that time, we always ended up being stuck together at the end. It was hard for me for always accepting him back, it was hard because I couldn't let go, and it was stupid that I didn't learn from past experiences with him. He cheated on me, and he cheated with me. I guess the fact that women fought over him got to his head, that he thought he was infallible and God's gift to women. He took advantage of this knowledge and made women cry.
Looking back I can only shake my head and think what I fool I have been. Never again.
-chichi
